Today (January 17th) I’m twenty-nine years + two months old. One of those Instagram filter things tells me I look fifteen and another says I’m Minerva McGonagall. I did name my Honda after her last year, so I guess there’s some relevance there. The universe is amusing; God has a sense of humor. I’m visually floating somewhere between the ages of twelve and fifteen. Physically and mentally, however, I’m probably much older. So it looks like Instagram is at least headcanon.
Aging is an interesting thing. For the most part, we attribute it to physical appearance. No surprise there. But in another sense, aging is a parallel of living. If you’re not changing and growing, you’re not living. And if those around you aren’t also changing and growing, they’re killing your buzz.
I think the best and worst thing about life is how people change. One minute you can be super close to someone and the next, they become a stranger. And this happens in every sort of relationship. It happens with friends. It happens with romantic partners. And it happens in families. And all the while everyone is changing around you, you’re changing too. And I think what’s difficult about relationships with family members is that they want to subconsciously keep you in this box of who you were as a child.
And we have a tendency to return that sentiment. Our relationships with our parents change. They become more like colleagues than people we look to to direct our every move. We form our own opinions and beliefs about things and learn our parents may not agree. Our sibling relationships change. We go from fighting over the hot water in the shower and door-slamming to questioning the sanity of our parents and sharing dog videos and recipes. And while it’s all a good reflection of growth, I still think there’s an internal struggle to reclaim how it used to be.
During the holidays, some people cling to traditions because they are little snippets of simpler times. And as family dinners and friend brunches become rare, we worry about how everyone’s getting older and the potential illnesses that come along with age. If we live in another state or country, there’s always an underlying fear of missing out on the lives of the people in our past. If we stay where we are, there’s a subtle emptiness of longing for those who have left.
Even with our phones and social media to keep track of everyone’s lives, there’s still things you miss. There’s little moments you’ll never be a part of. And all these unique moments an individual experiences collect and construct who they are. It’s scary for some of us to imagine not being included in them– especially if we used to spend every day together. And it’s even scarier when someone leaves, experiences things, and returns with different values and opinions. In a sense, you feel like you’ve lost the person you once knew. Deep down, they’re still there but they’ve grown in ways you haven’t. And you’ve grown in ways they haven’t. And now you have to figure out how you’re supposed to work together again.
So what do we do with all this? We really have no say in the matter. People are going to learn more about themselves and the world we live in and that’s going to make them alter their way of life. As we long for the past, we romanticize it, replaying memories that probably weren’t as glorious as we make them out to be. It’s okay to reminisce, look at old pictures and videos, and appreciate what the past has given you. I think it’s a good way to express gratitude for life and how far you’ve come.
In the words of Rob Thomas,
“I’m not afraid of getting older. I’m one less day from dying young.”
But don’t let yourself stay there. You aren’t the same person you were, even last week. So how could you expect your best friend to be the same person they were in high school? How could you compare your dad at age 60 to who he was at age 30? Once upon a time, the past was the present. And soon the present will be our future’s past. So all you can really do is be where you are right now and learn how to be kind to the people in your life as they are at any given moment.
They’re putting up with you, after all. 😉
-CRCH
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