I read somewhere that we are incapable of completely appreciating a moment until it becomes a memory.
Is that why I spend so much time scrolling through pictures on my phone and flipping through old photo albums? I mean, things happen so quickly these days. Going back through pictures seems to be my best way of trying to connect to those memories. And it feels like the older I get, the harder it is to be present in the moment- to be still. Everything is instant. People live in your pockets- in your phone.
The more I flip through social media, the less connected I feel.
The faster I skim a news article, the less information I retain.
This makes me wonder if I’m genuinely making these ‘memories’ we speak of.
Am I actually disconnecting from the cyber world long enough to enjoy what I am physically doing and appreciate who I am giving my time to? Am I giving people my undivided attention? Are they giving me theirs? Or am I constantly thinking about the next step? (Eating breakfast with a friend and wondering what I’m going to do for lunch…)
Do I put the television on for background noise while I spend hours scrolling through Instagram and Snapchat? It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even appreciate the plot of a movie or show… I have a shorter attention span at the age of 26 than I did at 11. I need to be constantly entertained by things that are so meaningless that I neglect the moments I’m supposed to be living.
When the whole world is doing something, it’s hard not to play along. When everyone is on their phones and computers, it sure looks like that’s the key to happiness! You feel like you’re missing out if you’re not connected 24/7. What an illusion.
At the end of the day, I feel empty and forgotten. I feel lazy and incomplete. I regret not doing more with my day- and for good reason. My phone has become my idol. My computer has become a god. Sounds harsh, I know. But it’s the truth. I’m not making memories; I’m covering my life with useless vanity. I’m running from my responsibilities and purpose- distracting myself with this black hole that implies it will take me somewhere awesome.
But that hole never goes anywhere. It never fills me up. And the more I dive into it, the more I lose myself.
-to be continued-
Therapy | Relient K