At least we’re not alone when our hearts get crushed. You can always find someone who has had it worse. Just turn on the radio.
While my emotions are up one minute and down the next, I use music to ease through the thoughts. It’s really easy to keep hoping that he’ll change his mind. I don’t want to shatter the illusion that we’d be happy together. But at the same time, where is that getting me? It’s hard not to fill myself up with hope for this relationship and look for a way out of this sore feeling that I’m not adequate enough.
I find myself turning to people who have lived these feelings and express them through their music. I listen to their lyrical and instrumental poetry, knowing I’m not alone in learning how to pick myself up again.
Dwelling on what you want and what could have been does no good. There is someone better out there and settling will only do more harm down the line. But even when I tell myself these things, they sound overused and impersonal. No one wants to have their hopes crushed. No one wants to feel rejected. And I’m certain I don’t want to hear someone tell me over and over again “It’ll be okay. Just be patient.” So how can we make the mending more personal?
Well, this time I attended a wedding.
No, I’m not insane. And no, I wasn’t looking to ‘fight fire with fire.’ Two of my dear friends just so happened to get married this weekend. And the timing could not have been more perfect.
You see, when I go to weddings, I am not sad. Marriage is a celebration, an amazing commitment! Witnessing two people pledge their lives to one another is profound. It puts things in perspective for me.
I cannot change someone into desiring what I want them to. I have absolutely no power over the will or heart of someone and trying to pull them in my direction is unnecessary and exhausting. Relationships take effort, yes. But they should make you happy and lift you up, not leave you blindsided and confused.
So as I watched her fight back tears, slipping the ring onto his finger, I thought about how amazing it will be to be in her place one day. I can only imagine what loving someone so much will be like. As they danced their first dance as husband and wife, I smiled, appreciating the moment. And I know that’s what I want.