Up until my freshman year of college, sleeping with a boy never crossed my mind as a good idea. And when I say sleeping, I mean the intimate act of lying down and resting next to someone all night. We’re not talking about sex here.
I was pretty sheltered and had no experience with romantic relationships throughout high school. The concept just sounded so far-fetched. Wouldn’t it just lead to wanting more, physically? Why would you torture yourself knowing you couldn’t take it further? My mind was very logical back then.
I was told, (mostly via peer influence), that I was being naive. So I spent my college years pushing my engrained values away. Over and over again, society showed me it “wasn’t a big deal.” I knew a bunch of couples that would sleep in each other’s dorms. And I would tell myself things like: As long as they aren’t having sex, it’s no big deal. Some people are just really in love and like to sleep together. My Christian friends do it, so it couldn’t be that bad, right?
I slowly convinced myself that it really wasn’t a big deal. And while I did that, a lot of my standards for a ‘relationship’ went out the window. In college, I ended up dating two guys just because they liked me. I was brainwashed into believing that I was supposed to cater to them and my expectations of healthy romances drowned during those years. I never had ‘boundary talks’ with either of them. And I did, indeed, end up spending the night with one of them. But that whole night, there was this horrible feeling in my gut that I couldn’t understand. And I’ve sworn off relationships since then.
Today, one of my dear friends helped me stumble upon a blog post entitled “To The Man Who Won’t Sleep With Me.” In this post, the author writes about sleeping with her past boyfriends. She tells how her old relationships involved spending the night with one another. And then she goes on to talk about this wonderful man who refuses to sleep with her.
While reading this, I didn’t know what to expect. But as I got to the end where she beautifully portrays this man’s love for her, I couldn’t help but get a little choked up. I’ll let you read it for yourself, because it’s wonderful.
She found a man who would not spend the night. She found someone who respects her and lives to see her thrive. She found someone who wants to cherish her and not pressure her, someone willing to set this boundary.
It’s always a blessing when I get a slap in the face that reminds me of my beliefs. And it’s even more helpful when something strikes me so personally. I’ve slowly been belittling myself to please others. But now, for the first time in years, I realize this is what I’m looking for. This is a great example of what a relationship should be. And it’s okay to have high standards.
This post was inspired by: To The Man Who Won’t Sleep With Me
I encourage you to read it.